In ancient times, arranged marriages had a very low rate of divorce, and this may be true, in part, because of the great amount of shame that comes with divorce in those cultures. This is interesting to consider since there is very little to no shame for divorce in many other cultures, especially in the west. It has almost become popular.
Divorce has become almost expected, which is why so many people are choosing not to marry and to instead just live together. And if they do marry, they realize that they have a “get out of jail” card, which they keep close to the chest.
This attitude is obviously very different from the way God views divorce. Consider God’s anger over divorce in Malachi 2:16. It says:
‘l hate divorce’, says the LORD God of Israel, ‘and l hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,’ says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
Here in this passage, God rebukes the Israelites because of how common divorce was in their culture. God said he hated the violence divorce created in the family, and he taught the Israelites to guard themselves and not to break faith with their wives.
What did Jesus say about divorce?
In the New Testament, Jesus responded to questions about divorce. For exmple in Mathew 19:9, Christ says, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
In that chapter, Jesus gave one of two exceptions that can break the marriage convenant.
1. Adultery is the first exception for divorce
Adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not their spouse.
In a marriage where there is unfaithfulness, if the innocent spouse leaves the union, he or she is free to remarry.
However, Christ said that if anyone married a divorced person, not under the exception of adultery, they would be living in a continual state of adultery.
Why would they be in a continual state of adultery?
This is because God still sees the divorced person as married to his or her first spouse. The first exception that can break the marriage covenant is adultery.
With that said, we must still remember God’s ideal. Even though adultery breaks the marital covenant and allows the innocent spouse to seek divorce and remarriage, that still is not God’s ideal.
As seen in the book of Hosea, Israel was adulterous in their liestyle to God many times, but he still continually took them back. As the prophet Hosea imitated God’s committed love, he took his own adulterous wife back.
Even under the exception, God’s ideal is for the couple to restore the relationship, and by doing this, they demonstrate his committed love. Look at what Paul said about divorce in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. He said:
To the married l give this command(not l, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
What about those who divorced without adultery?
Those who get divorced, for any reason other than adultery, must remain unmarried or reconcile with their mate. This includes situations where there is abuse, irreconcilable differences, etc. Marriage is supposed to be a life-long relationship, and when a person divorces, Scripture says he or she should remain single.
In the case of divorce because of infidelity, the cheating spouse should be encouraged to seek reconciliation. If that is impossible, they must recognize that cheating is not an unforgivable sin. Jesus Christ died on the cross for all of our sins and there is forgiveness available. (1 John 1:9).
However, forgiveness does not always remove the consequences. If reconciliation is impossible, the cheating spouse must accept God’s forgiveness and give himself to a life of serving the Lord as a single person. God will give him grace to fulfil that call and will make him fruitful, if he is faithful.
As for the innocent spouse, God’s ideal is for her to seek to restore the marriage. If that is not possible, she is free to marry another.
Why is marriage relevant?
It is because those who want to follow God’s design must understand how important the marriage covenant is to God. For God, marriage is to be a committed relationship that is essentially unbreakable between a male and emale. Those who break it, except under adultery, are to stay single and continue to pursue the Lord.
These regulations for marriage are strict and were given by God to discourage divorce.
In a society with no regulations and no shame with regards to divorce, it has become rampant and a viable option in a difficult marriage.
Scripture teaches marriage is a covenant which should reflect God’s covenant with us. Even when we fail him and turn our backs on him, he remains faithful because of his covenant which he sealed with the blood of his son.
2. Death is the second exception for divorce
In Romans 7:1-3, Paul said this:
Do you not know, brothers- for l am speaking to men who know the law-that the law has authority over a man only as long as he lives? For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she married another man.
Here, Paul taught that the second exception, which would allow for remarriage, is death.
Death breaks the marriage covenant. Marriage is a physical covenant that makes a couple one flesh(Gen 2:24). They become one in body, soul, and spirit. Only a physical thing can break this covenant and that would be adultery or death.
In fact, in the Old Testament a cheating spouse was put to death, and the faithful spouse was allowed to remarry (Lev 20:10).
In the New Testament, this is no longer true, but the cheating spouse is called to remain single.
How should we treat divorced people?
Again, it should be heard that divorce is not an unforgivable sin. God’s love and grace are experienced in an even greater way in our failure. Where sin increases, grace increases all the more (Romans5:20). God certainly wants to give grace to restore divorced couples to one another and more importantly to himself.
As the church, Christ’s body, we must love and comfort those who suffered through a divorce. With the advent of sin, marriage has been severely damaged. Sadly brokenness is common, so, as God’s church, we must seek to be conduits of God’s abundant grace so there can be healing and restoration for all who suffered.
Doesn’t the amount of commitment required for marriage, especially a bad marriage, sound scary? It almost sounds impossible. The marriage Union is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, without a “get out of jail” card. It is meant to be something that can only be done through God’s power.
In fact, when the disciples heard of these rigid stipulations, they responded with a similar awe. They said, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry” (Mathew19:10). That’s how strict the stipulations seemed to the disciples, and it should also challenge us as we consider this lifetime covenant.
Why did God make the marriage covenant so stringent?
Simply put, our God hates divorce, and he intended for people to marry and stay together for their lives on earth.
Our legal system provides strenuous consequences to discourage people from stealing, killing, raping, etc . Heinous crimes can incite a potential lifetime sentence in prison or the death penalty. Extreme consequences deter sin in society. This is the same thing God has done with marriage.
He wants people to know that marriage is a life-long calling. It is a covenant commitment and the only way out is to, essentially, remain single. Because people in the church have not been taught this or truly considered it, they have adopted the culture of the world, which looks at divorce as a viable option or as a necessary consequence of seeking self-fulfillment and happiness.
If divorce is necessary to find happiness they say, then so be it. And, therefore it has become increasingly common even among Christians. Statistics reflect no difference in the number of divorces occurring in the church compared to those outside the church.
However, since marriage is meant to reflect God and his love for his people, it is meant to be a Union based on commitment. It is a Union in which both say ,”l will love you even when you are unlovable. Also, they say I want to be with each other even when they don’t feel like loving them. I will love you like God loves me for his glory and his name which is my purpose in life.”
Conclusion
God covenants with his people through good, the bad, and the ugly. So we must consider marriage as a lifelong covenant.
It is a covenant based on commitment and not feelings, for feelings come and go. We need to approach this covenant realizing the potential consequences of not fulfilling it.
It should be just as people did in establishing an ancient covenant. We must come into this covenant seeking to resemble and reflect God’s covenant love for us.
The bottom line question before marriage should be, “Am l truly willing to love like God loves and commit like he commits for his glory and joy?”
Source of Article from The Bible Teacher’s Guide. Building Foundations for a Godly Marriage book by Pastor Gregory Brown.
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